You give the expressions of listening
To my thoughts, in a bamboo flute,
Tilting your heads toward where I’m standing
on this autumn evening,
Tree leaves tremble in breeze,
Resembling your hungry lips,
The moon bends over,
Holding her breath;
Bare feet,
Hair loose and falling,
Betrayal,
Shadowy figures moving,
Uneasy melody,
I should have seen it coming…
53 comments:
I love the beautiful notion of the moon bending over...wonderful!
We never do see it coming. I love thoughts in a bamboo flute...
Deception by feigned attention...great job!
Most wonderful, you certainly come up with some fantastic poetry. Kweep it coming.
Yvonne.
Quiet haunting - gave me chills.
Tis a good one - and sometimes even when u see it coming - it surprises!
The kind of vision you write of requires unflinching courage.
"I should have seen it coming"
I love that kind of line. It marries me with all the other people who use it when I use it. The last one so overtly like it I used was
"I'm fit to be tied"
I love every line... Very good take!
JJrod'z
A bit different for you, Monday, but absolutely well done. Congratulation.
Jamie Dedes
This has quite the ominous feel to it! I do love the image of the moon bending over and holding her breath!
So poetic, mystical, and intriguing. Lovely words.
Lovely and haunting!
Hauntingly beautiful. So different.
Lovely stuff - beautiful write.
Anna :o]
I loved it! Well done. Blessings, Terri
Nice imagery, here.
Betrayal could be very tough to take when one is deluded so convincingly...
Beautiful write,you made every word count!
Nice piece, always we are captured by the musical facade, feigning interest, but then... wonderful imagery.
Nice piece, always we are captured by the musical facade, feigning interest, but then... wonderful imagery.
beautiful write. loved the imagery
theres a certain stillness in this poem that i like very much.. :) tq for sharing.. my gooseberry.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/helpless/
Betrayal ... you describe the emotion well!
I enjoyed how you took me on a very tranquil adventure to surprising me with betrayal. Well done!
"the moon bends over" lovely image
ah, nice twist on us there...i was feeling all kinds of peace until betrayal creptupon us...
the bending moon and barefeet were very nice...
Hello, readers:
the ending is not meant to be sad,
one of the prompts asks for theme on betrayal, thus I twisted the piece and changed easy melody to uneasy one to fit the theme required. it is part of my laziness that I don't want to write a separated one...
thanks for reading, it is simply a piece of poetry.
I am happy, easy, and well.
This is absolutely stunning!
Hi. I do like this one!
Especially:
"Betrayal,
Shadowy figures moving,
Uneasy melody,
I should have seen it coming…"
Hmmm, seems also to stand well on its own :-)
Filled with lovely imagery. Betrayal is such a bitter pill to swallow though.
Lovely piece of writing.
So fully of such lovely images and especially the thoughts of bamboo and how the moon bends over
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/19/my-world/#comment-925
Ooh, a chilling tale. Wonderful.
My favorite part? The bamboo flute and tilting head. Evocative imagery.
Simply beautiful - every line. Thanks for taking part in Carry On Tuesday
Hauntingly beautiful.
Yes, yes, yes. Been there. Your words bring dignity to the experience.
Incredible writing! Very impressive!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/fragile-cloth-2/
This reminds me of Rousseau! (Henri, the painter)
Excellent imaginary and expression to betrayal.
Sometimes it's real creepy. 'Shadowy figures' reflect an intrigue may be building up. Great Magpie!
Hank
Oozes mystery...
Good one..
Nicely done. Leaves you wondering at the end.
Here from The Gooseberry Garden, and so glad I am. The concrete images make this poem very weighty and visual.
I love this:
"The moon bends over,
Holding her breath;
Bare feet,
Hair loose and falling,"
Wonderful imagery!
Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on "Bonfire."
Namaste...............cj
lyrical and mysterious, this is a lovely little piece.
My read was coming from OSI, looking for betrayal. It came with a wallop!
You twisted the theme just right, everthing so beautiful and peaceful then all went to H*ll fast! Poor soul.
..
Tree leaves tremble in breeze,
Resembling your hungry lips...
Beautiful
slithery snuck up on me! Nice one!
Lovely, lyrical, I could feel the heart beat...and never being prepared for the disappointment..
beautiful
Beautifully expressed.
This is what I adore about Magpie Tales....finding pieces like this. In my top 5, this one is!
Plain pure beautiful :)
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