Sunday, September 18, 2011

Sunday Prompts in Magpie Tale



You give the expressions of listening
To my thoughts, in a bamboo flute,
Tilting your heads toward where I’m standing
on this autumn evening,
Tree leaves tremble in breeze,
Resembling your hungry lips,
The moon bends over,
Holding her breath;
Bare feet,
Hair loose and falling,
Betrayal,
Shadowy figures moving,
Uneasy melody,
I should have seen it coming…

 ~~~~~






53 comments:

Tess Kincaid said...

I love the beautiful notion of the moon bending over...wonderful!

Laurie Kolp said...

We never do see it coming. I love thoughts in a bamboo flute...

Susie Clevenger said...

Deception by feigned attention...great job!

welcome to my world of poetry said...

Most wonderful, you certainly come up with some fantastic poetry. Kweep it coming.

Yvonne.

Shauna said...

Quiet haunting - gave me chills.

120 Socks said...

Tis a good one - and sometimes even when u see it coming - it surprises!

christopher said...

The kind of vision you write of requires unflinching courage.

"I should have seen it coming"

I love that kind of line. It marries me with all the other people who use it when I use it. The last one so overtly like it I used was

"I'm fit to be tied"

JJ Roa Rodriguez said...

I love every line... Very good take!

JJrod'z

Three Spiritual Explorers said...

A bit different for you, Monday, but absolutely well done. Congratulation.

Jamie Dedes

Lolamouse said...

This has quite the ominous feel to it! I do love the image of the moon bending over and holding her breath!

The Write Girl said...

So poetic, mystical, and intriguing. Lovely words.

Madeleine Begun Kane said...

Lovely and haunting!

Kay said...

Hauntingly beautiful. So different.

HyperCRYPTICal said...

Lovely stuff - beautiful write.

Anna :o]

Teresa Marie said...

I loved it! Well done. Blessings, Terri

Martin said...

Nice imagery, here.

Erratic Thoughts said...

Betrayal could be very tough to take when one is deluded so convincingly...
Beautiful write,you made every word count!

Reflections said...

Nice piece, always we are captured by the musical facade, feigning interest, but then... wonderful imagery.

Reflections said...

Nice piece, always we are captured by the musical facade, feigning interest, but then... wonderful imagery.

Rajlakshmi said...

beautiful write. loved the imagery

fiveloaf said...

theres a certain stillness in this poem that i like very much.. :) tq for sharing.. my gooseberry.. http://fiveloaf.wordpress.com/2010/02/16/helpless/

Helen said...

Betrayal ... you describe the emotion well!

California Ink in Motion said...

I enjoyed how you took me on a very tranquil adventure to surprising me with betrayal. Well done!

David Rheins said...

"the moon bends over" lovely image

Brian Miller said...

ah, nice twist on us there...i was feeling all kinds of peace until betrayal creptupon us...

the bending moon and barefeet were very nice...

The Cello Strings said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
The Cello Strings said...

Hello, readers:

the ending is not meant to be sad,
one of the prompts asks for theme on betrayal, thus I twisted the piece and changed easy melody to uneasy one to fit the theme required. it is part of my laziness that I don't want to write a separated one...

thanks for reading, it is simply a piece of poetry.

I am happy, easy, and well.

honeyhaiku said...

This is absolutely stunning!

Emanita01 said...

Hi. I do like this one!

Especially:

"Betrayal,
Shadowy figures moving,
Uneasy melody,
I should have seen it coming…"

Hmmm, seems also to stand well on its own :-)

Daydreamertoo said...

Filled with lovely imagery. Betrayal is such a bitter pill to swallow though.
Lovely piece of writing.

Ann LeFlore said...

So fully of such lovely images and especially the thoughts of bamboo and how the moon bends over
http://gatelesspassage.com/2011/09/19/my-world/#comment-925

thingy said...

Ooh, a chilling tale. Wonderful.

Kim Nelson said...

My favorite part? The bamboo flute and tilting head. Evocative imagery.

keiths ramblings said...

Simply beautiful - every line. Thanks for taking part in Carry On Tuesday

Pamela said...

Hauntingly beautiful.

SandyCarlson said...

Yes, yes, yes. Been there. Your words bring dignity to the experience.

Marbles in My Pocket said...

Incredible writing! Very impressive!
http://charleslmashburn.wordpress.com/2011/09/19/fragile-cloth-2/

manicddaily said...

This reminds me of Rousseau! (Henri, the painter)

Harshad mehta said...

Excellent imaginary and expression to betrayal.

kaykuala said...

Sometimes it's real creepy. 'Shadowy figures' reflect an intrigue may be building up. Great Magpie!

Hank

Trellissimo said...

Oozes mystery...

antomaniax said...

Good one..

Tigerbrite said...

Nicely done. Leaves you wondering at the end.

cj Schlottman said...

Here from The Gooseberry Garden, and so glad I am. The concrete images make this poem very weighty and visual.

I love this:

"The moon bends over,
Holding her breath;
Bare feet,
Hair loose and falling,"

Wonderful imagery!

Thanks for taking the time to read and comment on "Bonfire."

Namaste...............cj

Friko said...

lyrical and mysterious, this is a lovely little piece.

Jim said...

My read was coming from OSI, looking for betrayal. It came with a wallop!

You twisted the theme just right, everthing so beautiful and peaceful then all went to H*ll fast! Poor soul.
..

blackswanpoetry said...

Tree leaves tremble in breeze,
Resembling your hungry lips...

Beautiful

Kathe W. said...

slithery snuck up on me! Nice one!

Lyn said...

Lovely, lyrical, I could feel the heart beat...and never being prepared for the disappointment..

Isabel Doyle said...

beautiful

Reka Sang said...

Beautifully expressed.

Lena said...

This is what I adore about Magpie Tales....finding pieces like this. In my top 5, this one is!

swapnap said...

Plain pure beautiful :)