Thursday, April 22, 2010

55-The Stars Seem Shy...

No whisper descends
from the groaning sky,
No scowl wrinkles
the tiring pool,
No true love succeeds
without struggling to follow the general rule.
The stars seem shy
When leaning down to hear babies cry.
The town hall leers
its torn shelves,
The cars try
to lose weight
By sending homes
of those absent-minded elves.

*****

Write a story a poem that is fiction in 55 words. Give it a try and notify G-man
I used web tool to count my writing which is exactly 55 words… WORDCALCULATOR

20 comments:

Lyn said...

Nothing happens without effort..so good!!

Brian Miller said...

a very surreal 55 jingle...it gave me a giggle to think of cars losing weight but i guess they do when they finally unload us.

mine wil be up in a bit...

DuDo said...

Hi,

Nice to see u on blogger too.. i would love to follow your blog.

and the award is for you to keep because of the blog content keep rocking!!!!

Cheers

DuDo

Jannie Funster said...

Wow -- this is a wild one!!

I like it a lot!!!

Blue Bunny said...

wow, i lieks it too.

xoxo

suzicate said...

great job. I need to try 55 some time.

Dom* said...

The stars so far away to see
They just pop out when they want to be
They hide when the clouds are in the way
Disappear when the sun comes for the day
So look real close the next time you go out
You might see them peeking without a doubt

enjoy as well Jingle(+)
Dom*:)

Yvonne Osborne said...

Nice, Jingle. I like the stars leaning down to hear babies cry. Thanks for stopping by my blog and commenting earlier. I appreciate it. Feeling a little blue but don't know why. My 55 will be up in about five!

Dulce said...

Abstract, yet awesome!

Great 55!

John's comments said...

Thanks for dropping by. See if you can spot the lyrics in my 55 words

järnebrand said...

Nice 55... "those absent-minded elves"... :) - I liked that.
I like the images you build here, the groaning sky, the tiring pool, and the shy stars...
Peace and love/ Jo.

Peter Stone said...

The way you animated each aspect of nature with humanisms added so much depth to this, and loved this line: 'No true love succeeds
without struggling to follow the general rule.'

Sh@KiR@ CK said...

Well done , Jingle!
You are now an expert!
Mine is here

Have a FANTASTIC FRIDAY now!
hugs
shakira

PattiKen said...

This is packed with images. Very nice.

Alice Audrey said...

Well done, Jingle! This flows really nicely.

G-Man said...

I was doing fine until the lines the town hall shelves...
then you lost me...Sorry!
I'm not too adept at poetic metaphor, lack of education I guess.
But thank you so much for visiting and playing, you ROCK!!
have a Kick Ass Week-End...G

Buzzard said...

Stars are shy. Ever catch one?

Prayer Girl said...

Whispers descending from groaning skies, shy stars, cars losing weight - this 55 is jam packed with creativity and imagination. Nice!

Thanks for so frequently visiting and commenting on my blog. Welcome!

PG

Me said...

I really enjoyed this 55, Jingle. Some interesting imagery here!

Thanks for stopping by and commenting on mine, as well!

Lulda Casadaga said...

"No true love succeeds
without struggling to follow the general rule." Now ain't that the truth! :D Nicely done 55!!